October 2, 2018

Law and order in Bangor Maine

A recent report from Tom Cotton of the Bangor Police Department

A man who was standing at the gate of the Air National Guard base was wearing a mask and inquiring with the security personnel where he would go in order to join the “Space-Force.”

Officer Linkletter felt that this was a valid question, but removed the man from the area by offering him a ride to an alternate location.

Since we do not have a Space Force recruiting office in the Queen City, Linkletter took him to a better location and the man promised not to return and bother the nice security folks at the base.

We also asked that he no longer wear the mask when inquiring about Space Force job opportunities as it makes people nervous- even if it was probably SPA (Space-Force approved).

He agreed and was issued a trespass notice. He was allowed to keep his mask.


On the 18th, Officer Tyler Johnston was sent to the west side of Bangor to speak to some folks who the caller claimed were becoming intimate with one another in a public area.

Johnston arrived and found the three people in question. He investigated thoroughly and discovered that the only activity underway was the fletcherizing and subsequent deglutition of a pizza.

For the record this is legal in all fifty states.

We were more shocked that three people were involved because the pizza was only a medium. These obviously were not professional masticators.


Officer Bowie was helpful this past week when he was called to a home on the east side to intervene in a case which had all the trappings of future domestic disturbance.

Bowie found that the man of the house was not helping with the chores due to a recent injury. This did not please the lady of the house.

According to the woman, the man had suffered a minor concussion after falling down in the yard. He was under doctors orders to avoid undertaking ANY mentally taxing tasks.

She had asked him to help by doing the dishes and he determined this was one of the many things which the doctor’s orders had banned him from being involved in.

This sparked an argument that led to the ejection of the man from the household for the foreseeable future, or at least until he feels he is up to the task of doing the dishes.

Bowie shared that the man might want to get a note from the doctor which lists any banned activities IF he were to move back home in the future.

All parties were calm as he was picked up by a family member to continue the healing process at another location.


And finally, in my FSOTW (Favorite Story of the Week), we find Officer Bowie being dispatched to a home in Bangor because someone was pounding on the front door and the homeowner was too frightened to go check to see who was there.

Upon Bowie’s arrival he noted that there was a pizza delivery car, with its engine running, parked in the driveway.

There was also an individual standing on the porch and pounding on the door. He was carrying two large pizza boxes.

We call this a clue in our industry.

Bowie spoke to the man with the pizza and observed a receipt for an order which was to be delivered to that very address.

Bowie asked the dispatcher call the complainant back (since they would not come to the door) and found that the homeowner did recall ordering a couple of pizzas a few minutes before the suspicious knocking started.

The individual came to the door, paid the driver, and also apologized for their lapse in memory.

We hope your Wednesday includes pizza, either in a car or at your own home. If you do eat in a car, be sure to remain completely clothed as you really don’t want us showing up.

If you do order from your home, try to open the door in a timely manner as those delivery drivers are not getting rich and do deserve a timely response from the customer.

Tip your servers, hug your mothers, and push a shopping cart back into the grocery store upon your arrival. It is the little things that separate us from the beasts of the forests.



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