Andy Borowitz, New Yorker - In a potential stumbling block for his
Presidential ambitions, a new study indicates that the average American
can stand only four seconds of exposure to Senator Ted Cruz, the Texas
Republican.
Within
four seconds of watching Cruz, the majority of participants begged to
be released from the experiment, researchers reported. In
a more encouraging finding for the senator, when the same research
subjects were exposed to Cruz with his voice muted, they could tolerate
him for up to six seconds, the data showed
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