Outhouse etiquette

Randy Fullerton - When toilet paper was mailed free to the citizens, in the form of mail order catalogs — (Sears & Roebuck and Montgovery Ward being our topTennessee duo) — there was an outhouse etiquette, or perhaps just a familial understanding when it came to choosing which pages of those consumer driven dream books to wipe with first, and which pages would be saved to be used in the lean days...those days we were hoping for a new catalog to make its way to the mailbox with new and improved stuff...and fresh paper.

Each of us had interests and we practiced outhouse reciprocity. Where Mother usually liked conservative and practical clothes and utilities; Dad liked tools and anything associated with farming; Brother liked the firearms and hunting section; Sister liked fashions, art, and music sections, and my section was the toy, two-wheeler and hobbie and science sections. So using our best outhouse etiquette, each time we were faced with the choice, we would carefully pick through the pages and to our best ability, rank the pages on a 1 to 10 scale...ten being the most cherished by you or another member of the family, and one being...well...just barely worth a shit.

Their were also classes of paper...those of newspaper quality and the glossy ones. The newspaper class was more sought after because of its softer, more pliable texture. And to be honest, like the Duke, the glossy paper was harsh and wouldn't take shit off nobody. I would estimate the glossy class of paper was a level up from corncobs and a level below Mullein leaves. Regardless its class, no paper made its way into the garbage heap, every piece was an outhouse recyclable...and that was before it was cool.