Duffle Blog - U.S. Army leaders insist their force is still “the greatest fighting force in human history” even after a woeful record exacerbated by two debacles in Iraq and Afghanistan, sources confirmed today.
“Look at the Roman Legion,” said Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Martin ‘McFly’ Dempsey, comparing the Romans to the modern U.S. Army which failed in Vietnam, Kosovo, Iraq, Libya, Iraq again, Afghanistan, and barely tied in Korea. “They never once waged a proper counterinsurgency. They never won hearts and minds, they just went right in and nailed the insurgents to crosses along the Appian Way. That’s not how you fight a counterinsurgency, it’s just not nice!”
... “Let me be clear here,” Sgt. Maj. of the Army Raymond Chandler explained at a press conference, “We are still the greatest, the bestest, and most strongest Army in history. Now, I know much history, being that I got a Associates in Homeland Security, and we are the most powerful military formation ever. Panama? We won that, fair and square.”
As of press time, the Army’s record is still better than the West Point Football Team, which has not won anything at all since 1923.
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