A different obituary

Pulaski Funeral Home, Somerset KY-  Born and raised in Kentucky in 1963-a state that has been recently leaning toward more liberal values, we might add–Jamie, a divorcee, father, grandfather and proud owner of a few lots in the trailer park, had had enough and up and died on us on June 14th in order to avoid another Presidential stolen-election mishap in the near future.

As a gluttonous eater of fried foods and snack cakes, as well as the occasional chili cheese dog, James, tried in vain to give up the ghost by clogging his arteries and having a stroke in 2015. His twin boys, Rocky and Rodney, had other plans and made him go to the hospital. While waiting in the ER at the hospital, he was heard saying, "Let's make a break for it!", only to be heard by one of the hospital staff and forced to go through the procedure. He wasn't too excited about the prospect, but went anyway.

On many occasions in life, James was seen in his back yard at the trailer park during the early hours of the morning, hammering beers, standing over country-style ribs, and yelling, "It's got a head like a cat on it!", while nearby neighbors would peek out their windows bearing looks of disgust and amazement, as his party guests were slurring remarks about needing to speed up his cooking style. "We've been here since 5 o'clock," they would say. "I've got work in the morning."

We don't know if he was married, but he definitely was a lady's man. There was Kathy, Mary Lou, Tammy, Debra, Carrie, Tina, etc., etc. "It's the bones", he told us as proudly pointed his skinny, pasty-white legs. "Women love a good shin". We think he might even have some females waiting for him on the other side. Jamie loved his family more than anything else in the world...except ice-cold Busch, room-temperature Busch, T-bones, New York strip, prime rib, shrimp, swimming, poker, hatch-back Mustang GTs, tank-tops, Kentucky Men's basketball, and his personal copy of Eddie Murphy's Raw.

He leaves behind his second-favorite son, Rocky(and Lizeth) Loveless of Arizona City, AZ, his favorite son, Rodney Loveless of Science Hill, KY, a younger brother, Joey, and unofficial daughter Melissa(and Coy) Vance of the trailer park, as well as a pair of old boxers which have 'Buttweiser the King of Rears' printed on the design. He will be moderately missed.