Maine police update

Lt Tim Cotton, Bangor Police Dept - Due to increasing sunshine, warmer breezes, and more motorists who are sitting side-by-side at traffic signals we are requesting that you do not make eye contact with any drivers (or passengers) who are cranking REO Speedwagon's "Take It On The Run." It's just uncomfortable.

We have had reports of several of our more sentimental drivers who have shed some "eighties tears" while blasting, "Keep On Loving You." at the interchange of Griffin Road and Ohio Street.

Tears, intermingled with the angle of the glaring sun during the morning rush hour, have, at times, caused close calls during the subsequent movement of traffic after the signal turns green.

Bangor Police officers are in no position to request that you tune to less sentimental music selections, but we do find that operating a motor vehicle while listening to Sirius/XM Ozzie's Boneyard, Octane, or Bloomberg News decreases the chances of tearing-up.

It should be noted that—in some situations—Bloomberg News stock updates have caused DCORT (Dissipating Chance of Retirement Tears) in some of our more seasoned motorists.