September 13, 2014

How to fix our public schools

Onion - Public schools throughout the nation continue to contend with budget shortfalls and insufficient classroom resources, while U.S. test scores remain far behind those of many other developed nations. Here are measures that can be taken to fix America’s troubled education system:
  • Discourage teacher turnover by downplaying the importance of having money and respect
  • Limit school shootings to once a year in order to give students more time to focus on schoolwork
  • Allow students from disadvantaged areas to be bussed into stronger schools, such as those in Finland or South Korea
  • Maybe get some underprepared, overconfident recent college graduates in there to figure things out
  • Federal law that prevents Dylan from raising his hand and wasting everybody’s time with the wrong answer
  • Offset the failures of the education system by de-emphasizing the importance of success, self-worth, and intellectual ability in our culture at large
  • Tattoo grades on foreheads to shame low performers
  • Toss Northrop Grumman another $4.5 billion and see what kind of curriculum it pumps out
  • Whatever you do, don’t change anything about a property-tax-based funding system in which rich schools get richer while poor schools get poorer. That’s working just fine.
  • Cut losses and reallocate funding to nation’s prison system

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

One simple trick: abolish unions and privatize education.

Most Dance said...

I believe that amazing people who teach our children can fix it. I just remembered about my English teacher with her sparkling eyes and optimistic speeches who can give knowledge and remain interesting for her students in the times when there is such great variety of resources and you can get nearly everything from professional essay help online to the results of some fantastic discoveries. But I know that she will only encourage her students to widen their outlook using all these opportunities. So if teachers don`t remain indifferent everything will be much better.