Onion —Expressing their desire to provide American
students with a well-rounded education, officials from the Department of
Education announced they had hired 26-year-old art teacher
Kelsey Alexander to be spread evenly across all U.S. public schools.
“Ms. Alexander is a well-qualified teacher, and we have the utmost
confidence that she will provide quality art instruction to our nation’s
students as she rotates through each of the 98,000 public schools in
this country,” said Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, who explained
that Alexander will teach a 40-minute studio art course to each of the
grade levels at a different school each day, beginning with Colby High
School in Denver on Wednesday, until she eventually visits every school
in the nation, at which point she will cycle back to the beginning and
start again. “An education in the visual arts is a vital part of every
child’s education, and with Ms. Alexander’s hiring, we can now guarantee
that each student in America will have an art class at some point
during their K-through-12 years. We know she will make a wonderful
addition to every single school district in the country.” As of press
time, Alexander had spent an estimated $3.2 million out of pocket on the
art supplies needed for her lessons.
2 comments:
If Ms. Alexander or anyone taught every day of the year for 268½ years, she or they might be able to cycle through all 98k schools... and why spend $3.2M out of pocket, up front... just spend what you need to get through the week.
Maybe hire a few more specialists, to distribute the load?
Cheers, Tom
Arne Duncan...finally, good riddance. The DoE should be pushed back to its pre 1979 state when it actually provided a service to American schools and students, not the political tool that Duncan has brought to a new low level. America has demonstrated time and time again it is too large and too diverse for a national school board. Every administration since Carter has used the DoE as a tool to advance their political agenda on America's students. Its time for this travesty to stop! The federal government mismanages every thing it touches, and education is not different. The teachers and parents in districts know how their children should be educated, better than the bureaucrats and book peddlers who all have the answers to the questions no one asked or cares about. Put education back to the states with a core curriculum of liberal studies and get the feds out of it. And keep the incompetent Arne Duncan's of the world at home where they do the least harm...well, Chicago would disagree with that, but unfortunately their stuck with him again.
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